What the heck self?

I have :

1 personal reflection due

1 team reflection due

A massive assignment due on the 3rd of June ( which I'm pretty sure of which we're only 70% through).

And 8 exams coming up, starting from the 11th of June through to the 24th. 

So WHY am I drawing so much!? 

done on the 26th of May (roughly)

On the 27th of May 6-8 pm

Freaking 27th of May from 10 pm - 12 am

I think it's a compulsive thing. Not that I entirely mind considering that I'm seeing an interesting shift in styles. So it's not static, the way I'm approaching this whole

business of fanart. Now I have to tackle something other than the obvious frontal view pin-up perspective.

can I be quiet and stay wrapped in this blanket of silent reverie?

I'm just in one of those  moods y'know? The one coloured by soft piano music lullabies and bittersweet tinctures of words words words. It feels so wrong to be so complacent at such a time,  but I can't imagine any other way to live in this moment.

I want to shape nonsense sentences which march a forward hegemony on your feelings, thoughts and being. God.

Does it sound pretentious? Probably and rightfully so, ahahahahaha.

Two things have precipitated this, maybe even three.

1. Part Right, Half Wrong, a Third Crazy by Save the Rave

2.  Uro-boros's writing

3. Birdy's cover of Bon Iver's Skinny Love

I have an utter, wholehearted respect for writers now. How the hell do they do it!?

I wanna be an artist!

 Random ramblings, sigh.



Now, it's probably not a secret that I really love to draw; probably not a secret that I love Hetalia and many, many other anime/manga series before that. I can safely say that my drawing style, stylistically and content-wise has definitely been influenced by anime ( even though I would love to be able to draw realistically!)

Kinda feel like how he's looking right now

People have oft asked me, " Why aren't you doing art!" " You should do art for a living!". Well that's true and all, but I'm not and for very good reason, but I'll still continue drawing no matter what. That being said, I do get jealous seeing friends on Facebook posting up their newest art projects/assignments and just reveling in the life of a proper art student. 

Yes I want to do what they're doing, Yes I wish I could be in their shoes, No, I don't want to abandon my current course. I think I'm consoling myself by thinking that I can draw better than they do even without the art training! Still, there is only so far you can go with self taught tips and tricks. And many of the best artists out there have received some form of formal training too ( ha! I'll be snobby about that).


Fanart has definitely given my art a boost, since I'm constantly trying to indulge myself with the fangirling nature of it, but really, in comparison to many others, I should think that it has creatively stunted me as well. Both a blessing and a curse really.


But no matter how much I try, no matter how many different ways/positions/angles I draw England, Japan and America I don't think I'll be able to catch up with them at the rate they're speedily improving, and for that I'm a veritable green-eyed, spoiled, sulky brat. 

=/ 

Yes I have a bad personality.

  
... doesn't mean I'll stop drawing though =p.

So I had a dream

I had the most amazing dream last night.

It started off as wackily as dreams tend to do: warped versions of reality in my case. But by the end of it, it turned into something pretty special. The best way I can describe it - utter love. As cheesy as it might sound, it totally rings true.

Being hugged at the waist (imagine spooning, haha) by the one you want to spend your life with, and being asked so timidly, yet so boldly, ' will you spend your life with me?'. How do you respond?

You can feel the desperation in his voice as he grips your waist tighter (so tightly his nose is pressed into the crook of your neck and feel his lips forming the shape of the letters) and his left hand intertwined with yours. There is a ring on your (his?) ring finger, but it's fuzzy and indistinct. 

Maybe it's the uncertainty at the impermanence of this feeling- ' how long will it last?', or you're so overwhelmed by his body warmth, his voiced desperation as this person, whom you love so, so very much asks you that question over, and over again that you start to burst into tears.

-end scene-

Really, I need to stop watching sappy videos. 

That being said, I think love is an addictive feeling, not that I would know ;).